Internet addicted evil spirit.
Lu Yan was bored at home, so he taught Ye Tong how to play computer games.
Ye Tong was happily manipulating the characters in the game with his mind, sending himself to the chopping board and selling his teammates out.
Ye Tong, “oh, I died again.”
Lu Yan lit a cigarette and calmly passed a judgement, “butterfingers.”
Ye Tong wasn’t willing to accept it, “it’s not as if I use my hands, I use my mind.”
Ye Tong pounced and started to hit him, “you’re the dead one, you’re dead everywhere!”
Lu Yan held a cigarette and let Ye Tong hit him as he pleased, “if you have the skill, you win a round.”
Ye Tong angrily gritted his teeth as he glared at Lu Yan, then suddenly remembered something and rushed into the computer. Soon after, his opponent lost connection.
Lu Yan, “…… shit, you’re cheating.”
Ye Tong proudly popped out of the computer, “how is it? I look badass, right?”
Lu Yan, “not bad at all.”1Lost in translation: the word used is 叼 (diao), which can mean ‘fuck’ or awesome. A literal translation would be ‘How is it, look at me, I’m awesome, right?’ or ‘How is it, look at me fuck.’ To which Lu Yan replied, ‘Looking.’ clearly taking the ‘fuck’ meaning instead of the ‘awesome’ meaning. I tried to translate is so that it vaguely sounds like Lu Yan is looking/talking about Ye Tong’s ass.
Ye Tong paused, then pounced on Lu Yan to hit him again, “you pervert, you stinking pervert!”
One night, Lu Yan was lying in bed and reading a book. The internet addicted evil spirit Ye Tong, who had become addicted to gaming, was happily playing games in the study. From time to time, he could hear Ye Tong get imaginative throw the blame towards his teammates, ‘You’re really shitty! Why don’t you use the skills and keys!
Lu Yan continued to flip the pages of his book, with a hint of a smile on his face.
Suddenly, Ye Tong screamed and rushed out of the study to plunge headfirst into Lu Yan’s bed, “ahhhhhhhhh! Lu Yan, Lu Yan, Lu Yan!”
Lu Yan was calm, “did you see a ghost?”
“Fuck, How did you know!”
Ye Tong wailed, “really! A man, covered in blood! Just outside the study’s window, staring straight at me! Scared me to death!”
Lu Yan smoked his cigarette then lowered his head, and continued on with reading his book, “oh.”
“Is it really good for you to be so calm?”
Ye Tong felt extremely wronged, “you’re awful.”
Ye Tong whined, “even if other people’s husbands can’t get rid of the ghost, they would at least try to comfort a little……”
Lu Yan was slightly taken aback, then he chuckled and said, “call me husband.”
Ye Tong’s face turned red, “why are you suddenly acting like this?”
Lu Yan hugged him, “you said it yourself, other people’s husband……”
Ye Tong covered his mouth, “it was a mistake.”
“Really a mistake?”
“Not, not a mistake.”
“Are you going to call?”
Ye Tong buried his head into the pillow and said with a muffled and sullen tone, “…… husband.”
Lu Yan gently patted Ye Tong’s head, then got off the bed and went to the study, “be good, I’ll go check it out.”
Ye Tong jumped onto Lu Yan’s back and wrapped his limbs around him like an octopus, “don’t, don’t leave me alone.”
Lu Yan sighed, “you’re the most useless ghost I have ever seen in my entire life.”
Ye Tong angrily took a bite out of Lu Yan’s shoulder.
Lu Yan smiled, and continued with his sentence, “…… but I like it.”
Lu Yan had no choice but to carry Ye Tong into the study. Ye Tong closed his eyes very tightly, holding on to Lu Yan with a death grip.
Lu Yan struggled to loosen Ye Tong’s arms, “you’re going to strangle me to death.”
Ye Tong reluctantly loosen his grip a little.
Lu Yan rolled his eyes and gently raised his hand to press on the glass. The ghost in front of the window turned into a white light and disappeared.
Ye Tong’s eyes were closed, “how is it? Did you see it?”
Lu Yan, “he already left.”
Ye Tong opened his eyes doubtfully, then let out a sigh of relief, “you’re really awesome.”
Lu Yan calmly corrected, “it’s ‘husband’s really awesome’.”
Ye Tong repeated his words, whining.
Lu Yan placed Ye Tong down, thought about it for a moment, then explained, “the man just now, he had died in a car accident near here, about seven days ago. Today’s the seventh day after his death, so he wanted to go back to his home, but he lost his way, so he could only go door-by-door and look through the window to find. Just now, I pointed the way home for him, after his desires dissipate, he would enter into reincarnation and never appear here again.”2Chinese belief about what happens after a person dies. The first seven days after their death, the person is granted the right to visit their place of residency before they get reincarnated/trapped in hell if they’re a shitty person. http://www.ccfong.com/?page_id=1588
Ye Tong was surprised, “how do you know so much?”
Lu Yan calmly said, “didn’t you want to know what my job was?”
Ye Tong nervously clenched his fist, “what is it……”
Lu Yan blinked, then said, “Professional exorcist. The truth is, I came here because I was commissioned by the landlord of this place.”
Ye Tong was stunned, “you’re here to drive me away……”
Lu Yan shook his head, “maybe I’m here to drive you into my arms.”3Lost in translation, again. Ye Tong used the word ‘驱 (Qū)’, )which can mean expel/get rid of. So lit. translation would be ‘you’re here to expel (驱 (Qū)) me’. To which Lu Yan replied, “maybe I’m here to take you as a wife/marry (娶 (Qǔ)) you.”
Ye Tong hung his head, “stop joking.”
Lu Yan tilted Ye Tong’s head up and said in a serious manner, “I’m not joking. I knew from the first time I saw you, you wouldn’t hurt anyone.”
Ye Tong sniffled, “because I look especially kind?”
Lu Yan shook his head, “because you look especially silly.”
Ye Tong: ……
Lu Yan gave a soft laugh and kissed Ye Tong’s puffed up cheeks, “but especially cute.”